Second in a row with the daughter of the
house, but one I wasn’t looking forward to with much relish… … Jami got hooked
on weird pop diva Melanie Martinez’ 2015 debut “Cry Baby” which I found frankly
infantile, a horrible mish mash of puerile nursery rhyme kiddie r’n’b/ “pop”
pap overlaid with some disturbing sexual imagery and loads of potty-mouth
lyrics, seemingly for effect. Last years “Portals” is better, whilst still not
to my tastes; Lolita reinvented as a weird 4-eyed elfin woodland creature, with
similar musical and lyrical imagery, and thankfully a toning down of the bad
words (hey, I came in with punk rock, I don’t mind a gratuitous “fuck” or two
in my music, but that all seemed a bit much…). Anyway, in a “Dad of the Year”
moment, I promised Jami that I’d take them to see Mellie when the subsequent
“Portals” tour came to the UK. Which it then did, to bleedin’ Wembley Arena of
all places! Still, a promise is a promise…
A flare-up of J’s torn calf muscle earlier
in the day forced a travel rethink, so we booked a parking spot in Wembley’s
Pink Zone, the nearest available to the arena but still a 12-minute slow hike
away, after an equally snail-pace A40 run into Hanger Lane pitched us up there
at 6.30. Massive queue outside, but happily a steward saw Jami’s crutches and
ushered us into the express entrance! Result! Result 2 came shortly afterwards,
as we contemplated J’s ability (or otherwise) to climb up to our row R seats at
the back of this old aircraft hangar venue; a chat with another steward and
supervisor later, and we were relocated to a row G spot (so half the stairs for
J to manage) halfway along, house left, for a much better view! Huge immobile
queues for everything around the venue, and lots of especially dressed up
fangirls there with mums and/ or dads; Jami made the effort by rocking pixie
siren chic, along with pointy false ears!
Following some quite telling p.a. music
(Jami recognised Mitski, I recognised The Cocteau Twins and Mellie’s more
likely spiritual forbear Bjork, another quirky pop vocalist I never really got
along with), we had some rock! Unexpected support Upsahl took the stage at 20
past 8 to a wall of deafening shrill noise from the Mellie massive, the
eponymous singer and her 2-piece band bursting into an initially hard-riffing
grungy fuss, an early “Good Girl Era” quite hooky in a Heather Nova/ Tracy
Bonham vein. Props also for getting 8,000 pre-pubescent girls chanting “drugs!”
in the subsequent eponymous slow-burn number. The mid-set drifted a bit into
r’n’b and balladry, but finished strongly with a robust, funky “Sad Sorry After
Party” and the hooky, riff-heavy statement number “Lunatic” which saw Upsahl
take to the photo pit, keeping her promise to, “warm you guys the fuck up!”.
Mission accomplished, I’d say…
Another quick wander, another inspection
of interminably long queues for everything, before we took our places. The
lights smashed to black at 20 past 9 to another deafening roar, and thousands
of phones held aloft to record the arrival of Mellie, dressed in Raggedy Anne
meets Pikmin the Mushroom (!) woodland nymph chic, massive pointy ears and some
weird mask, surrounded by 4 singers and intoning her vocals for eerie opener
“Death” through a vocoder. The creepy, minimalist r’n’b of “Void” followed, and
it became apparent (along with some setlist.fm research!) that the “Portals”
tour effectively meant Mellie was playing said album, in order, and nothing
else! So at least that mean none of the puerile “Cry Baby” bollocks, and that
the projected backdrop films of tunnels lined with flowers and moss, and
colourfully lit woody glades, remained consistent throughout. Professionalism
at its height; sounding pindrop perfect, choreographed to a fault and lit with
searching strobes, this was a brilliant “show” for the fan, enriching and
enhancing the understanding of the album, and verging on musical theatre. So,
really not my thing, then, and, combined with the relentless deafening screams
from the Mellie massive, this one was ramped up to almost sensory overload
level…
So, after the art-school Laurie Anderson
weirdness of “Light Shower” and the swayalong, percussion-led “Spider Web”
(which predictably saw a massive spider web unfurled onstage) I took a walk out
to grab J some merch; unfortunately (or not!) this took 5 songs and 3 merch
stands (the first 2 having sold out of J’s merch of choice), and another
snail-pace queue of indecisive punters and couldn’t-give-a-shit servers. Really
unpleasant. However, I got back in halfway through the bright nursery singalong
of “Nymphology”, in time for my “favourite” Mellie number, “Evil”, a menacing
metronome click build into a bright, Beabadoobee-like US 90’s college
pop-influenced chorus, Mellie’s best number by about a million billion miles
and comfortably my set highlight, particularly as the song climax was
punctuated by a wall of fire onstage! The smooth jerky r’n’b pop of “Womb”
(another half decent one, I have to confess), featuring an eruption of confetti
cannons from the stage and midway along the arena floor, rounded off the set and
album run-through, Jami then deciding an early exit was preferable to staying
for then intended encore of the 3 “bonus” album tracks and risking getting
caught in the melee. So, back to the car for 10 to 11 and a virtually unimpeded
drive out of town, before M4 closures took us cross-country near Newbury but
still got us home for 20 past 12, my tired pixie siren heading straight to bed.
So, as I mentioned, totally not my thing, but Jami once again loved it, which
was the point. So overall another successful evening out being “Dad of the Year”!
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